Minnesota Birds High on Fermented Berries Terrorize Small Town

In the small, northern Minnesota town of Gilbert, police have warned residents about birds, liquored up on fermented berries, that are slamming into windows and acting pretty crazy.

"The Gilbert Police Department has received several reports of birds that appear to be 'under the influence,''' reads a post on the force's Facebook page. 

The reason, authorities said, is an early frost that sped up the fermenting process of local berries. Since birds haven't flown south yet for the winter, they've been lurching around on berry benders. The young folks, unable to handle the toxins, are especially affected, police warned.

The Facebook page's comment section quickly filled with jokes and puns, as well as straight-faced posts from residents who had wondered what the heck was going on.

"There goes the chance of any bird from Northern MN ever being on the Supreme Court," wrote one.  "Tippi Hedren nowhere to be seen," posted another, referring to the starring actress of Alfred Hitchcock's 1963 horror classic, "The Birds," in which humanity's feathered friends run murderously amok.

"Oh my goodness," wrote a woman named Betsy. "I was going to say something, but I thought I was crazy!!! This has been happening to me!"

Police said the birds would soon sober up. In the meantime, their Facebook post advised, firmly tongue-in-beak, residents should contact authorities about behavior including: "Heckle and Jeckle walking around being boisterous or playing practical jokes; Woodstock pushing Snoopy off the the doghouse for no apparent reason and Angry Birds laughing and giggling uncontrollably and appearing to be happy."

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