DOGE Whiz Kid 'Big Balls' Attacked in Washington D.C.

President Donald Trump threatened to take over Washington D.C. after a DOGE whiz kid was beaten up by carjackers. Edward Coristine, aka Big Balls, was left a bloody mess after police say he fought a group of teens attempting to steal his girlfriend's car. Coristine was hailed a boy-genius when he dropped out of college to join Elon Musk's DOGE squad to cut government costs. Musk praised Coristine Wednesday for his bravery.